•1. There is never a need to raise your voice here; nobody else does.

•2. S L O W down your tempo; no one else is in any hurry.

•3. "We'll get to it, when we get to it", means just that. It may be tomorrow or next week, or even next month...

•4. Borrow a second name; as in Peggy-Sue, Billy-Mae, Mary-Anne... You get the picture... No one has only one name here, except for Bubba.

•5. Never use cuss words here! If you want to be "ugly" you can just use the Southern: "Bless his little heart, he just can't help himself, can he?" Believe me, that's enough of an insult! I know it seems innocuous enough to a Northerner, but take my word for it, that's how it's done here!

•6. "Dear Lord, Sweet Jesus!" replaces any other expletive when something really BIG happens.

•7. If someone bakes you a pie, go ahead and eat it; it's not laced with anything and the person bringing it to you doesn't expect any favors in return.

•8. Don't worry about locking your doors! If you leave your home unlocked the worst that can happen is your neighbor may come in and bring you a pie...

•9. Kids address their elders with Miss or Mister, as in Mr. Bob, Miss Kelly, etc. You don't have to be old to qualify for being "an elder", anyone over twenty something qualifies.

•10. Just ignore the confederate flag! And please, no arguments about who won the war!

•11. When you're in a foreign country it helps to know a few words in their language to show appreciation for the culture. When in France you should at least know: "Bonjour, Ca Va?" In the South you can just make frequent use of "Ya'll", "ain't" and "fixin'..." As in "ya'll ain't from around here. I'm fixin' to go."

•12. When in the South, smile ya'll! Ain't no need to be in any hurry! Ya'll have a seat on this rockin' chair yonder and have another sip of this fine lemonade! I'm fixin' to learn ya'll some Southern!